she's got a way

birthdays are fantastic. here are a few reasons why:
1. parties. i've had two for my 21st. one was on saturday and it was delightful and perfect and everything i wanted. my friends had to work so hard to even make it happen (thanks to victor lee, old map, south rec, and commuter lounge for failing to come through for us. we've officially begun a boycott victor. and that's says an awful lot for me). it was in the SAC. there was no alcohol. (with the exception of the empty box with some sort of alcoholic picture on the front. thanks andy.) abbie and megan and kayla got me a "sex in the grove city survival kit" and it was full of DELIGHTS, particularly a handmade journal that makes me cry every time i open it. becky and jen and abs got me a cake (in addition to living with me for the week prior to my birthday; no easy feat considering my intense pre-birthday depression that lasted for days) - the cake was so needed and so wonderful. they also adopted me. cheers for that. lots of friends were there and we hung out and played games and ate pizza. wonderful juvenile fun. i love it.

over fall break i had a party in NYC. the momentous moment consisting of monica's first drink of life. good times were had by all (thanks to chels, jz, pat, trey, sean, jen, kelly, b, and pat's random friend for attending) and especially by me.

two parties = one girl feeling so special and loved. my friends consistently amaze me with their patience and love.

2. candy. i don't even like candy that much, but it feels special that lots of candy is given away for my birthday. i used to believe - and this is the sincere truth - that halloween was celebrated for me. i would expect all the students in my class to give a big THANK YOU to me for being born on this day. needless to say, it never came and the delusion ended quickly.

3. cake. my mom finally made me one. so that, in addition to the cake that i was shocked to be presented with at rehearsal tonight (mrs. craig, you forget a lot of things so i'm always shocked when you remember my day. i was so happy that you did) + cake at my first bday party + cake from the girls . . . 4 CAKES!!! i love it! i only wish katie was here to eat all the icing.

4. lots and lots of birthday mail. i think because i had the good sense to be born on a holiday (and i do take credit. i waited in the womb an extra 2 weeks before i made my early morning arrival. had i decided to stay in just one more day, there were coming in after me. excellent timing if i do say so myself) that people can remember my birthday. this may be just something i think in my head beacuse i'm so horrible at remembering birthdays for everyone else so i assume there must be a reason people can remember mine. regardless, thanks to the millions of friends and family who sent cards. i love you all.

5. random serenading. i think this should be a more frequent part of life, but alas, people seem to wait for birthdays to burst out into song. i was awoken this AM by my roommate dancing around in her bathrobe to the smash hit "happy birthday to you" by new kids on the block. one of my favorite moments of life, by far.

i'm sure there are a million more reasons i could list, but i'm exhausted. all this birthday fun wore me out. thanks a gazillion to all my friends for making it so special. i'm a lucky girl.

putting it all in perspective

12:45 PM - I hang up the phone with my mother and immediately have two thoughts:
1. i need to be adopted
2. i want to write a long, complaining post about the unfairness of life and why is that nothing i do will ever ever ever ever be good enough

1 PM - Before I can sit down to write that post, I head to lunch with Abbie. She tells me a story about something happening with her friend's family. Something horrible and dreadful and unbearably sad. And I sit at the end of the table in MAP and feel horribly selfish and self-centered. My daily "traumatic" conversations with my family are nothing in comparison to what most of the world endures.

1:30 PM - I walk outside and remember why I always thought I should transfer to a school in Florida.

What's the moral of this brief synopsis of the last few hours of my life: It's never as bad as we think it is or we make it out to be. Yes, my mom tends to be very hard on me in the most absurd ways. No performance, no event, no wardrobe, no life will ever be enough to convince her that I'm good enough. But at the end of the day, I have absolutely zippo to be complaining about or for that matter, even mention.

Thousands upon thousands of children are dying in foreign countries every day. Dying from hunger and neglect and need. I think its a safe guess that 100% of those kids would rather move into my home than die from the utter unfairness of their lot in life.

This was not a positive post and I wanted it to be one, I promise! I guess the message is be grateful. Be thankful. Be positive. And I'll try my very best to be as well. "And the world will be a better place . . . "

Alright, I'm done. =)

what's next, ketchup?

i'm supposed to list 5 random facts about myself. there is no one left to "tag" so i won't bother with the rules. (caution: i'm basically an open book . . . really, i'm more like a book that's open and reading itself outloud to anyone who will happen to listen . . . so i'm not sure what random delights i can expound on that no one will know. but i'll give it a try)

1. i am petrified of store mannequins. and humans dressed in full costume, ala the disney world characters that wander around. people are people. statues are statues. let's not keep messing with this in between world.
2. i'm only 25% italian. i'm 50% irish. but i'm so incredibly proud and excited about my pasta-eating background that i hesitate to ever mention the potatoe starved ancestors i am mostly descended from. don't tell.
3. the two events in my life that will absolutely never fail to make me cry: birthdays and opening nights. these two seemingly joyous celebrations will leave me sobbing at some point. few things actually depress me more. no idea why.
4. i am horribly shy. nothing frightens me like talking to new people or going to functions where i am afriad i won't know anyone. but few people recognize this in me because i've learned to cleverly disguise my fear with an extrovert persona that people assume is my true personality. it's not.
5. i am NO LONGER AFRAID OF HEIGHTS!!! i slept in kelly's loft bed during my NYC visit. and i discovered that i've been lying to myself all these years. i'm not afraid of heights, or at least high beds. so abby and i bunked our beds and i have the top one. this is huge for me and i'm beginning to question all my other phobias: do i love ketchup? could i sleep without the light on? do i crave small, cramped spaces?

i have so much to do tonight, so i'll close by saying that new york was wonderful. it was good to be home. i had a fantastic pre-birthday celebration. i got to see old friends. i visited roundabout. i shopped. a lot.

but sadly, i don't think i'll be back in the city till the spring. sigh. but then we have a lifetime to discover and grow in our love. new york, i know you'll always wait for me.

frankie, sing that song

aching for new york and at the same time, not really wanting to go. how can that be?

i must believe that new york in the fall is the most beautiful place on earth. it has so much life and energy and movement all by itself . . . the crisp fall air must just add to the joy that is my city. i think the first thing i will do when i arrive wednesday morning (after the obligatory dropping the suitcase off, etc.) is take the 1 train to 79th St. and walk east towards riverside dr. and i'll go the park and sit by my favorite spot on the river. and i want to say nothing will have changed, except of course the temperature (now i'll get to enjoy the waterside view with a warm sweater and hot cup of chai) . . . but i guess i find myself altered as well. not in huge dramatic ways that people ever take the time or have the ability to notice. but these first few months at school have made me feel out of sorts, very displaced, so unsettled.

have you ever seen sabrina? i always reflect on the moment where she tells him (the character name is escaping me) that she found herself in paris . . . and as a little girl i treasured the fantasy that i would do the same thing in some little unknown town in italy. but i didn't; which is most likely because i was in 7th grade when i was in italy, and what is there to even find in yourself in 7th grade? but i did discover so much of who i am, especially in my Chrisitianity, in the moments i spent in new york, particularly riverside park. God spoke to me there, ever so clearly. i felt Him in that place, standing with me near the water. reminding me that in a city of millions, He knew my name.

new york, i'm coming home in 2 days. i know when i see you, my heart will feel at peace again. just keep waiting.

who needs a jukebox?

this weekend was delightful. highlights include . . .

emceeing the first (and dear God, let it be the last), "Mr. Engineering" pageant. try to imagine miss congeniality with engineering contestants, who all joking aside, for the most part look petrified to be walking on a stage, let alone belting whitney houston pop-ballads (it really happened). VV and i emceed and the audience . . . hated us. truly. at the end i finally said, "I know you all praising God that you can leave in a few minutes so you don't have to listen to us talk anymore." it was the first time the audience responded all night. i don't know if it was the combination of bad jokes + absurdity of contest + total disorganization by the girls running it . . . whatever the case may be, it was terrible. and of course, because it was soo bad, VV and i had so much fun. i think its always a wonderful humbling experience to do things that don't turn out well. it reminds you of your humanity.

then i spent time with the simply fabulous nike baker + katy mcnulty. CLASSY GIRLS. we went on a progressive date; rather, i did. they followed along and had a cup of coffee. nike was excited to see that i could eat a proportional amount to the esteemed miss kokan. its one of the dozens of oddities surrounding senior year (see previous post for more) - you meet incredible people and realize that you have such a short time left to really develop a lasting relationship.

today mr. garrett nichols came to spend the day with me. that was also bittersweet, as for those of you who don't know, garrett will be moving back to idaho in a few weeks. who knows when our paths will cross again. our time was spent in a nostaglic sort of way . . . so many memories to discuss. garrett was here for such a brief portion of my time here at gcc, but he's such a dear part of it. i don't want to write too much about him now, because if he is good on his promise, a whole post will be devoted to him soon. but for now, i'll include a few moments from the afternoon.

Garrett: Monica, you're like Meryl Streep. Still a legend, but nobody cares.

Garrett: Oh yeah, I was totally wondering if the girl with the epilectic seizures could be mine. Oh goody! I could be the one to put the wooden spoon in her mouth.
Monica: (gives him a quizzical look)
Garrett: It's so they don't bit their tongue.

Then we made our own jukebox melodies, as the one in Pizza Hut was broken. I'm sure everyone there appreciateed our renditions classics by Journey, Aermosmith, Ricky Martin, Def Leopard, Whitney Houston, etc. (garrett - i was not thinking about this until now, but that was so a "lost" moment. i love it.)

all in all, a great weekend.

billy . . . joel

it seems as though a tour group filled with dozens of perspective students comes to visit PEW almost nightly these days. tis' the season i guess. the season where every senior in high school (much earlier if you had my parents) is asked to make "the biggest and most important choice of their lives."

seeing the tours roam through PEW always always always takes me back to my first and only gcc tour experience. my brother, being the over-acheiver that he is, decided that a typical tour that the admissions office would arrange for me wouldn't be sufficient to make me desperate to attend grove. granted, he had a hard battle to fight: i was mere days away from sending my acceptance letter back to wheaton with a big YES! from me. i was so close packing my bags and heading to the windy city, and the rest would've been history.

but i had promised sean one last look at gcc before i made up my mind. so called in the troops (aka, derek bradley, who had taken over as SGA president after sean) and had him arrange a private, back-stage tour of the theatre, complete with a sit-in on the current production (What Fools These Mortals Be) in rehearsal. i remember ever so clearly the moment when i entered PEW for the first time. i opened up those big heavy, locked more often than not, wooden doors and looked onto the most massive stage space i'd ever seen in my young life. dr. dixon was sitting in the darkened auditorium, nodding his head at the actors in what i assumed at the time was some sort of unusual head gesture problem, though i've certainly come to learn that its just how he is. on stage there were two actors. though the identify of one is still unknown to me, the other was the none other than mr. michael barakat. i can still remember my first thought being, "if all the guys in the drama program here look like that, i will most certainly come here."

and so i did. and i guess when tours peek in the doors of PEW, that thought always crosses my mind. (and by "thought" i do not mean lustful ideas about mike. katie, i had to put that in for you, as i knew you would ask.) i wonder if they'll come to the grove. and if they come, what'll they do and who they'll be and how they will impact the campus. college is such a cycle, an ebb and flow. we all contribute our little piece to the tiny puzzle that is grove city college. its always a bittersweet feeling to know that the puzzle will still be complete, even when you leave it behind.

PS - last night we watched "requiem for a cabin" at pat's apartment. it was hysterical and delightful and a wonderful time . . . but all the while i absolutely ached for katie and chelsea.

post, you kind of wrote yourself

i'm not sure how i feel about being a senior.

this summer, as i was finishing my very last week in the Big Apple, i remember going to my favorite little spot in Riverside Park, right by the dock where you can see clear across to Jersey and feeling like i would be absolutely okay if i never went back to the grove. even when i arrived on campus, i felt distant and alienated, not because of any emotion that people were emitting towards me, but this internal conflict of desperately wanting to be in a different place, both literally and figuratively.

but then the semester started in full swing . . . and with homecoming and fall one-acts and OB already completely behind me, i am beginning to feel a bit more torn about the whole "growing up" timeline.
1. graduate from college
2. find a job that can sustain in a city where the cost of living is 94% higher than the national average
3. plant myself in the right church
4. make even more new friends
5. get married (which will most likely be the result of another attempt on e-harmony. dear goodness, my life is so sad and pathetic. maybe this time they won't kick me off for innapropriate behavior).

i want to graduate and get a job and find a church and get married (preferably not through e-harmony, but beggars can't be choosers) . . . but i don't feel ready for all of those life steps. and maybe when i am actually in the moment i'll find the whole thing less intimidating. goodness knows, i was ready to join the work force years ago. but i look around at all these engaged couples at gcc and i wonder how they are ready for something like that? its truly not me questioning their maturity, but rather, my own.

this isn't the direction i intended this post to turn . . . i was going to write about the whole issue of "belonging" again, because i have had so many fascinating conversations with people about it lately. but its late and my the post kind of wrote itself. i'd scrap it (haha, i've never used that phrase before this show), but i haven't posted in a few days and i'm feeling lazy.

better one next time, i promise.

salute to proof

caution: i would venture that only approximately 10 people (at most) will enjoy reading this post. and out of those 10, i'm lucky if 2 people actually read my blog. (katie you are my definite) but its been in my mind so often lately (with the movie coming out and all) and i just can't keep it bottled inside and not on my blog.

I loved proof. i loved every single thing about it. i loved the show before i was in it or even knew gcc was doing it. i loved it even more when it was finished. i look back on it as the second best "thing" that's ever happened to me at college. (i specify "thing" because nothing can replace any person i met in college or the way i grew spiritually and all that. i am merely referring to an event.)

for me, my positive college experience really started during that show. it gave me confidence in who i was and what i could do. i loved each person connected to that show, cast and directors and crew and all that. i felt encouraged by each one of them. to me, it was what good theatre is about: a group of people who work together in such unity to achieve something that is so much greater than any individual contribution.

i love the story of proof. i love that it reflects so much of my spiritual walk. always asking, always questioning, always hesitating . . . then learning to have faith in the answers or the silences He gives me.

i know that it was a crazy show choice for mrs. craig, with only 4 cast members and all. i know some people didn't really prefer it, for that reason or others. but i can honestly say that if that show hadn't happened to me, i don't know that i would have stayed at grove city. it was that much of a turning point in my life. i needed it that desperately.

so thank you proof. thank you jojoba. thank you EXPRESS and my mother (for the fabulous outfits). thank you katie and mike and chris. thank you kellie and phil and lindsay and everyone else who was part of it. on saturday night's final show, with 8 performances behind us, i remember taking my bow and thinking, "this will never happen again. being part of something this incredible will only happen once."

and i was right.

sean

at approximately 8 PM tonight, my brother will finish his always exhausting work day, which probably began around sunrise this morning. he will pick up his girlfriend (whom i adore) and drive an hour from downtown pittsburgh to "downtown" grove city. he will pick me up at PEW and we will get to spend about an hour together. at 11 PM, he will drive jen home and then be up and at 'em just a few short hours later. there's no real purpose in this visit. just that yesterday at church he noticed that i was a little down about some things and he wants to make sure i'm okay. and he's willing to take 4 hours out of his crazy life to make sure i am.

that's the kind of brother i have. when i was in high school and suffering from the "no boys like me and no one in their right mind would ever date me" syndrome, sean would drive the 2 hours home from gcc to take me on dates. and not just pathetic, let's go grab some drive through kind of outings. full out dinner and whatever chick flick i wanted to see kind of dates. this summer, he let me move in with him (at no cost - yeah for free rent!) so i could escape the craziness of my UWS apartment. he introduced me to all his friends (who happen to be an assorted collection of male models . . . Christian male models. God is good.) and took me to church and took me out to eat . . . He'd call at 10 PM, telling me to get in a cab and go the nearest movie theatre, where he would be waiting with tickets to a movie i had mentioned wanting to see.

he stands up for me. he challenges me. and he's fiercely protective of me. in sean's eyes, no one will ever be worthy of his precious sister. and he's never hesitated to remind boyfriends or even mere prom dates of that fact. and sometimes (often actually) i worry that he's right. that no one will be good enough because i've already had it so good. my expectations are incredibly high because i've already experienced what its like for a man to really take care of me and protect me and nurture me and love me and pray with me and pray for me and pamper me . . . the list goes on and on. Most (okay, all) guys I've dated are fearful of this incredibly lofty picture I have in my mind of what a guy should be like.

"I really like you Monica, but you just expect so much."
"You're great, you really are, but I just don't think I can be the guy that your brother is."
"You want me to treat you like Sean does, and I just can't."

The other day I told Sean that I will immediately know who to marry when i meet him - he will be the man that isn't afraid of these high expectations; he will be the man who wants to surpass who my brother is for me.

NOTE: I realize that now two consecutive posts mention what I want in a guy. It's not a mating season, nor am I particularly anxious to date at the moment. I think its that you spend a lot of your senior year figuring out what you ideally want out of life. You plan and dream and imagine and picture what your life would look like if you had any say in it. And part of that, in my opinion anyways, is really figuring out what you would need in a mate.

chivalry isn't dead . . . snaggle isn't either

yesterday felt so momentous that i really wanted to have the energy to post at 2:45 when we finally got home from eat n' park. but i didn't have it. and now that i'm sitting down to post (and once again avoiding any sort of memorizing for major barbara - i am in big trouble), i'm not sure that any event will seem all that eventful. things always seem so much more important in the middle of the night.

one acts closed last night. i don't think anyone is really mourning their loss. as a surprise, garrett and diana and kat and i'm sure other people were all there. that made me happy. afterwards, diana and i foolishly decided to watch batman begins. we love the movie, but we had so much to catch up on. (and i really really really do love that movie. such a great message; it isn't what you say or abstain from that defines you, its what you choose to do). afterwards, me + diana + lots of music majors went to e n' p. two important things happened there. 1. i met the dan guy that i've heard so much about and apparently met twice before. everyone talks so much about him and i was sad that he and i weren't friends. its always lovely to meet someone who people speak so highly of and realize that everything they say is more than true. 2. snaggle was there! (for those who don't know, snaggle is the literally one-toothed wonder who often graces e n' p with his presence late at night. he is an unshaven, unwashed, greasy haired, cowboy hat, perverted kind of guy . . . in other words, a true delight). snaggle loved the leopard print tank top my dad had just gotten me as special treat for one-acts. he loved it so much that he was kind of making a small ruckus about it and it was kind of getting uncomfortable. kayla came to try and protect me, but that only gave snaggle two girls to harass. then suddenly, out of nowhere, my new friend dan appears and stands by kayla and i until we finally end the conversation. girls may go on and on about independence and strength and liberation and blah blah blah, but we really just love it when we feel protected. and it doesn't need to be a boyfriend type of thing. personally, i think it can mean even more when a friend does it, because his motivations are pretty almost guaranteed to be pure. so thank you dan. our friendship is off to a lovely start.

moral of the post: at the end of the day, we all want a man who will fight for us.

odd girl out

(i love color! ahh!!!)

synopsis of tonight:
one act opening night was splendid. i was genuinely proud of my cast and how well they adjusted to an audience, who loved them btw. this also is the VERY FIRST OPENING NIGHT that i have not cried at, either before or after. i have this horrible habit of being an emotional wreck on opening nights, for one reason or another. proof was possibly the worst. katie and i both had a melt-down, thinking we did a terrible job and we hated ourselves and blah blah blah (katie and i both have a tendency to be too hard on ourselves. its only a small part of why we're pseudo-sisters.) so it made me so happy that i made it through the night absolutely happy.

here's a tradition i never keep: the obligatory handing out and wearing of diaper pins. i know that i annoy each and every cast member i've ever had with my total disinterest in giving them out, let alone driving to cranberry to get them, but i just truly don't understand the whole thing. why are they good luck? where did this tradition start? how is it satisfying to walk around with pins attached to your key chain that make you ready to change a child's dirty mess at any moment? i have only worn one once: the opening night of west side. i was too scared to say no. and johnny mormom, the dance partner from down under, stepped on my feet that night. i took it as a sign and never wore it again. they are not good luck for me. so sorry wanda's visit cast, it doesn't look likely that you will be getting pins this fall. if you really really really want one . . . steal one from someone else in the festival.

but the pins are really just the beginning of why i have never felt like i totally belong in the theatre department here. i love all the people that do theatre, i just don't feel a complete connection. i always feel a bit on the outside, as if its okay to participate but i shouldn't get too comfortable, lest i forget that i'm not a real part of the tight knit bunch, just a guest who can stay for dinner, sometimes dessert. i loathe mentioning west side once again (truly, once a year is often enough to remember that small tragedy), but i just knew then what i know now: i didn't fit in. and initially, it broke my heart, because in high school, some of my best friends did theatre with me. heck, some did theatre just so we could all hang out. i wanted to experience that again in college, maybe even in a stronger capacity. (now, as i write this, i realize that some of closest friends here have done theatre too. katie and chelsea too name two. but i guess i look at our friendship as so outside of theatre, and so much more about crazy sexy dances and "horse" riding and orchesis and all around insanity. and abbie and megan and kayla and . . . maybe my theory doesn't really make sense at all.)

this isn't a "i hate my life and have no friends and why won't someone like me" post. its more a "i recognize certain things and am very content and merely intrigued why the world is the way it is" type of commentary. because in truth, i really feel blessed that my friends can love and support and cheer me on in all my theatrical endeavors, because we aren't constantly competing for parts or shows, etc. its just that show week always makes me reflect on the dynamics of the theatre world, and me not quite fitting in just plays a small part in that.

okay, next time, i'll try to formulate a better argument for my posts. i don't think this is the type of thing i can explain in a note type format. i need good conversation to get the job done.

ahh, honey honey

Little known fact about our GCC cafeteria: there is honey in there. you just have to know where to look. Today as I ate "lunch" (I use the term loosely) with Whitney, I was reminded that not everyone knows about the hidden condiments the cafeteria stores in secret places.

The school used to serve honey by the toasters, but upon our return my sophomore year, I realized the honey was gone. In a frantic state, I asked the small Chinese man* that operates the cafeteria in a frightening mafia-like capactiy where the honey had disappeared to. "No honey. No students with honey - bad pouring skills," he told me. I was not convinced - bad pouring skills? What does that mean and how is it an excuse? Several days later, Mary*, the nicest worker in MAP, pulled me aside to tell me the truth. "Sweetie, they took away the honey because its too expensive. But I keep it right behind the counter here. So I suppose if you could use it very quickly and then put it right back, no one would have to know."

Years later, the scheme still works. Except now its not a "scheme" so much as they all know I do it and no one says anything.

Honey, you and barbecue sauce are still the only condiments I'll ever love. Thanks for making even cafeteria meet endurable (dare I say even enjoyable?).

* note: names have not been changed to protect the guilty or delightful

if you jumped off a bridge . . .

and then one day children, monica decided to start blogging.

who loves one-act week? it reminds me of all that is good and fun in the theatre department here. what delights me the most is how scandalous we think we are - as we make "totally inappropriate" jokes that we know we can't do once the hypoverial curtain rises on opening night. these shameful jokes include saying only moderate swear words, momentary flashing of chests (rachel, fall 2003 will be remembered by all thanks to that red dress and your frantic dancing. i love it.), making out, etc. this brings me to more favorite memories of one acts:
1. garret and phil playing woman roles. loved it.
2. rachel, can i mention the dress moment again?
3. my parents and their perfect attendance record (to be shattered tomorrow evening, as they are busy landscaping their new condo. oh mom and dad, you will be missed.)
4. cherith eppley's first kiss . . . on stage . . . with trey
5. the bat that tried to kill heidi haas
6. abbie bruising her innocent freshman body during the role of della
7. countless others i can't remember anymore but i'm sure were fantastic at the time

homecoming was fun. its always so delightful seeing old friends. one big regret: i think i may have killed a small child. yes, its true. (my non-mothering instincts surface). the thing is, i can't throw. and when i say i can't throw, i mean, they put me on the 5th grade basketball team in 6th grade. even my own father, who was the coach of my little league team, didn't have the heart to actually play me, lest people know who i was related to. needless to say, i'm sitting in matthew chung's solara, trying to throw candy to the little children, when suddenly it hits me (pun intended) that i am throwing candy that is barely reaching the outside tires. so kids are running into the street, next to (and occasionally, on) the car. i hear matt's frantic voice call out; no, not in protection of the children, but of his precious convertible. (note: i do love matt and he was a jewel on saturday. an absolute jewel.) i'm sorry for any injuries i may have caused. aside from the endangering candy throwing, i loved the parade. a special thank you to the man dressed as the toilet you could throw candy into. toilet man, you were a delight.

(sidenote: jen helped me pick the font. i love her. she's a jewel as well.)

major barbara is a good time. i tried on my costume tonight and thank you caitlin sandham, it still makes me look like a woman. trey sends his regards as well (who wants to make out with a girl wearing a burlap sack, right?). there are lots of long speeches and two intermissions . . . but come see it anyways.

i think this was a good first blog. (i like to give myself postitive affirmation from time to time) if not, i will try and do better next time.