post, you kind of wrote yourself
i'm not sure how i feel about being a senior.
this summer, as i was finishing my very last week in the Big Apple, i remember going to my favorite little spot in Riverside Park, right by the dock where you can see clear across to Jersey and feeling like i would be absolutely okay if i never went back to the grove. even when i arrived on campus, i felt distant and alienated, not because of any emotion that people were emitting towards me, but this internal conflict of desperately wanting to be in a different place, both literally and figuratively.
but then the semester started in full swing . . . and with homecoming and fall one-acts and OB already completely behind me, i am beginning to feel a bit more torn about the whole "growing up" timeline.
1. graduate from college
2. find a job that can sustain in a city where the cost of living is 94% higher than the national average
3. plant myself in the right church
4. make even more new friends
5. get married (which will most likely be the result of another attempt on e-harmony. dear goodness, my life is so sad and pathetic. maybe this time they won't kick me off for innapropriate behavior).
i want to graduate and get a job and find a church and get married (preferably not through e-harmony, but beggars can't be choosers) . . . but i don't feel ready for all of those life steps. and maybe when i am actually in the moment i'll find the whole thing less intimidating. goodness knows, i was ready to join the work force years ago. but i look around at all these engaged couples at gcc and i wonder how they are ready for something like that? its truly not me questioning their maturity, but rather, my own.
this isn't the direction i intended this post to turn . . . i was going to write about the whole issue of "belonging" again, because i have had so many fascinating conversations with people about it lately. but its late and my the post kind of wrote itself. i'd scrap it (haha, i've never used that phrase before this show), but i haven't posted in a few days and i'm feeling lazy.
better one next time, i promise.
this summer, as i was finishing my very last week in the Big Apple, i remember going to my favorite little spot in Riverside Park, right by the dock where you can see clear across to Jersey and feeling like i would be absolutely okay if i never went back to the grove. even when i arrived on campus, i felt distant and alienated, not because of any emotion that people were emitting towards me, but this internal conflict of desperately wanting to be in a different place, both literally and figuratively.
but then the semester started in full swing . . . and with homecoming and fall one-acts and OB already completely behind me, i am beginning to feel a bit more torn about the whole "growing up" timeline.
1. graduate from college
2. find a job that can sustain in a city where the cost of living is 94% higher than the national average
3. plant myself in the right church
4. make even more new friends
5. get married (which will most likely be the result of another attempt on e-harmony. dear goodness, my life is so sad and pathetic. maybe this time they won't kick me off for innapropriate behavior).
i want to graduate and get a job and find a church and get married (preferably not through e-harmony, but beggars can't be choosers) . . . but i don't feel ready for all of those life steps. and maybe when i am actually in the moment i'll find the whole thing less intimidating. goodness knows, i was ready to join the work force years ago. but i look around at all these engaged couples at gcc and i wonder how they are ready for something like that? its truly not me questioning their maturity, but rather, my own.
this isn't the direction i intended this post to turn . . . i was going to write about the whole issue of "belonging" again, because i have had so many fascinating conversations with people about it lately. but its late and my the post kind of wrote itself. i'd scrap it (haha, i've never used that phrase before this show), but i haven't posted in a few days and i'm feeling lazy.
better one next time, i promise.
posted by monica at 1:19 AM
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