sean
at approximately 8 PM tonight, my brother will finish his always exhausting work day, which probably began around sunrise this morning. he will pick up his girlfriend (whom i adore) and drive an hour from downtown pittsburgh to "downtown" grove city. he will pick me up at PEW and we will get to spend about an hour together. at 11 PM, he will drive jen home and then be up and at 'em just a few short hours later. there's no real purpose in this visit. just that yesterday at church he noticed that i was a little down about some things and he wants to make sure i'm okay. and he's willing to take 4 hours out of his crazy life to make sure i am.
that's the kind of brother i have. when i was in high school and suffering from the "no boys like me and no one in their right mind would ever date me" syndrome, sean would drive the 2 hours home from gcc to take me on dates. and not just pathetic, let's go grab some drive through kind of outings. full out dinner and whatever chick flick i wanted to see kind of dates. this summer, he let me move in with him (at no cost - yeah for free rent!) so i could escape the craziness of my UWS apartment. he introduced me to all his friends (who happen to be an assorted collection of male models . . . Christian male models. God is good.) and took me to church and took me out to eat . . . He'd call at 10 PM, telling me to get in a cab and go the nearest movie theatre, where he would be waiting with tickets to a movie i had mentioned wanting to see.
he stands up for me. he challenges me. and he's fiercely protective of me. in sean's eyes, no one will ever be worthy of his precious sister. and he's never hesitated to remind boyfriends or even mere prom dates of that fact. and sometimes (often actually) i worry that he's right. that no one will be good enough because i've already had it so good. my expectations are incredibly high because i've already experienced what its like for a man to really take care of me and protect me and nurture me and love me and pray with me and pray for me and pamper me . . . the list goes on and on. Most (okay, all) guys I've dated are fearful of this incredibly lofty picture I have in my mind of what a guy should be like.
"I really like you Monica, but you just expect so much."
"You're great, you really are, but I just don't think I can be the guy that your brother is."
"You want me to treat you like Sean does, and I just can't."
The other day I told Sean that I will immediately know who to marry when i meet him - he will be the man that isn't afraid of these high expectations; he will be the man who wants to surpass who my brother is for me.
NOTE: I realize that now two consecutive posts mention what I want in a guy. It's not a mating season, nor am I particularly anxious to date at the moment. I think its that you spend a lot of your senior year figuring out what you ideally want out of life. You plan and dream and imagine and picture what your life would look like if you had any say in it. And part of that, in my opinion anyways, is really figuring out what you would need in a mate.
that's the kind of brother i have. when i was in high school and suffering from the "no boys like me and no one in their right mind would ever date me" syndrome, sean would drive the 2 hours home from gcc to take me on dates. and not just pathetic, let's go grab some drive through kind of outings. full out dinner and whatever chick flick i wanted to see kind of dates. this summer, he let me move in with him (at no cost - yeah for free rent!) so i could escape the craziness of my UWS apartment. he introduced me to all his friends (who happen to be an assorted collection of male models . . . Christian male models. God is good.) and took me to church and took me out to eat . . . He'd call at 10 PM, telling me to get in a cab and go the nearest movie theatre, where he would be waiting with tickets to a movie i had mentioned wanting to see.
he stands up for me. he challenges me. and he's fiercely protective of me. in sean's eyes, no one will ever be worthy of his precious sister. and he's never hesitated to remind boyfriends or even mere prom dates of that fact. and sometimes (often actually) i worry that he's right. that no one will be good enough because i've already had it so good. my expectations are incredibly high because i've already experienced what its like for a man to really take care of me and protect me and nurture me and love me and pray with me and pray for me and pamper me . . . the list goes on and on. Most (okay, all) guys I've dated are fearful of this incredibly lofty picture I have in my mind of what a guy should be like.
"I really like you Monica, but you just expect so much."
"You're great, you really are, but I just don't think I can be the guy that your brother is."
"You want me to treat you like Sean does, and I just can't."
The other day I told Sean that I will immediately know who to marry when i meet him - he will be the man that isn't afraid of these high expectations; he will be the man who wants to surpass who my brother is for me.
NOTE: I realize that now two consecutive posts mention what I want in a guy. It's not a mating season, nor am I particularly anxious to date at the moment. I think its that you spend a lot of your senior year figuring out what you ideally want out of life. You plan and dream and imagine and picture what your life would look like if you had any say in it. And part of that, in my opinion anyways, is really figuring out what you would need in a mate.
posted by monica at 8:37 PM
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