just to see you smile

i can't believe it's almost break. this semester is flying by. and i'm not surprised by that, but it hits me at certain moments. and then i think about how soon we'll all be gone and how different life will be when we're not here.

for instance, katie was just talking to me about how when she comes home, no one is at her apartment that knows her or loves her. (actually, no one is at her apartment in general, since she lives alone) and that's an odd phenomenon to all of us in college. we're used to living with people who know us so intimately. when abby gets home from school, it takes her about 5 seconds to figure out if i've had a bad day or a good day. when i wake up in the morning, beck and jen can instantly tell if i'm sleepy or grumpy or running late or excited (sometimes all of the above are true at the same time).

but it won't always be like that . . . case in point: my first roommate last summer. she's a sweet girl, but asked me one question all summer. literally. you think i'm exaggerating, but it's the truth. only one time did she ask me how my day was. (and i mean she didn't even do the obligatory return question when i would ask her how her day was). and that was so odd to me. and weird. and difficult to get used to. she didn't know me. and she didn't have any interest in doing so. she wasn't particularly mean or rude, she just had her own life and didn't see the need to invest in mine. and after living at grove city for three years and spending a majority of that time trying to invest in other's lives and having others do the same for me, it was a really hard adjustment.

we'll all adjust to life after graduation. we'll have to. and i think some aspects of post-college life will be unbelievable. we can live anywhere in the world that we want, do whatever we want . . . there is total freedom like we've never experienced before. and that will be thrilling and exhilirating . . . and a bit scary.

so i'm gonna go enjoy college life. i hope you do the same.

no shoes, no shirt, no problems

a short, but sweet, snyopsis of the past few weeks:

- the ladies in hicks now ask me if i want honey. that's right, i said hicks. katie and chelsea, be proud. i'm transcended both cafeterias. (and on a "i now love hicks" note, they always have honey. MAP often doesn't.)
- valentine's day was delightful.
- pirates is going well. dr. dixon has started signing off his emails to me as "JD," which seems like a big step in our relationship. he comes to rehearsal for the first time tonight. let's hope i prove him right.
- courtship & marriage is maybe one of the best classes i've ever taken here. i'm quite sure that's because i'm a COMM major. but still. dr. jones = insightful brilliance. if i had known that man earlier, i think i would have stuck with my once thought of intention of becoming a SOCI major.
- kayla and i are having a sleepover on friday night. ALJA:KJLKFD:OIWEJKCNFHDSHK. very excited.
- i'm going to orlando in 9 days. LKJ:OIUEOIJKMNA:SLK:DJAD. i am literally aching for time with my family. this will also be our first family vacation where there is a "significant other" that comes along. which i'm excited about. it makes me feel old. but excited.

so much more to say. but dinner calls. dinner in hicks, nonetheless. i hear there's chicken . . .

the truth about men

jen has tagged me. as my saturday has been spent doing absolutely nothing (which is exactly what i wanted to do today), i figured i could go all out and complete the assignment.

4 jobs i've had:
1. plato's closet (oh i how loved all those used clothes. delightful)
2. production assistant for the make believe players (oh how i loved all those old people)
3. web designer (oh how i loved all that . . . html code)
4. education intern (oh how i loved BROADWAY!)

4 movies i could watch over and over:
1. drive me crazy
2. return to me
3. ocean's 11
4. the italian job

4 places i've lived:
1. the highest point in summit county (aka my old house)
2. a condo in kent, OH
3. new hope, PA
4. the upper west side

4 shows i love:
1. saved by the bell
2. the wonder years
3. clarissa explains it all
4. boy meets world
[note how none of them are from this decade. when the savage brothers left the entertainment industry, i stopped watching]

4 places i've vacationed:
1. rome, italy
2. the netherlands
3. panama city, FL
4. orlando, FL (two weeks!)

4 favorite dishes:
1. chicken
2. chicken with fries
3. chicken with mashed potatoes
4. chicken burrito

4 sites i visit daily:
1. yahoo.com
2. facebook.com
3. does outlook count?
4. i guess i'm not online enough . . .

4 places i'd rather be:
1. italy
2. new york city
3. the boat =)
4. anywhere that sean and my parents are


i'm not tagging anyone in return. if you'd like to do the survey, feel free.

i promise promise promise promise a real update soon.

this one's for the girls

this is a poor excuse for a post, but i thought i'd share an excerpt from the monologue i'll be performing tonight. it's from the play, cigarettes and chocolate by anthony minghella. i confess i've never read the entire work (an absolute N-O for ever performing a selection, but what can i say, i ran out of time). it's the final speech of the play, as Gemma confesses to the audience why she gave up talking. that's right. this women stops speaking for months, much to the confusion of her family and friends.

the earlier part of the piece reflects on how very little changes in life . . . life is cyclical and if you hang around long enough, you'll discover that the pattern just repeats itself. [fashion is certainly one obvious example of the "life cycle," which is touched on in the piece.]

but anyways . . . this particular part struck me and is the reason i decided to do this selection.

What do you remember? When all is said and done? A kiss? The taste of someone’s lips? A view? A breath? A tune? The weight of your grandmother’s coffin? The veins on your mother’s legs. The white lines on her stomach.

Don’t speak for a day and then start looking.


i just love it.
enjoy the weekend everyone.

me neither

there has been a call for an update. multiple calls actually.

but i don't have time. so i'll summarize briefly.

life is good. life is busy. i miss my girls. rehearsals are going well. i have two tests today. i studied for multiple hours last night. i miss sleep. i miss naps. my parents were here last weekend. i liked that. i am in the mood to read a good book. i have been doing a lot of thinking.

after this weekend, i think i'll feel like i am on top of my life again. i'll write more then.

she only smokes when she drinks

i've found myself being jealous of rachel and her consistent titles, always beginning with, "in which . . . " and so on.

so i've decided that from here on out, my blog titles will be the names of very random country songs. in all likelihood, they will have nothing to do with the actual contents of the post. but they will be fun. and they will serve to help educate any of my unfortunate readers who don't already have a vast knowledge of country music (how do they survive?).

also . . . allan and i are going to take a stab at writing "he said/she said" for the incomparable Collegian. it would certainly help us out if anyone wants to suggest a first topic for us to try. (and valentine's day is out, so if you were going to suggest that, don't. it was done last year and our column won't be printed in time for it to be relevant.)

also . . . my life is pretty fantastic. so fantastic that sometimes i'm bit overwhelmed.

also . . . i can't imagine planning a wedding. within the next 5 weeks i have to buy a wedding dress, find kids to be in the ceremony, pick out flowers, pick out bridesmaid dresses, and well, that's it. and that seems like a lot. rachel, i salute you.

pool party

[note: i'd been planning on posting some pictures with this blog, but i wasn't able to. so you'll have to imagine the whole thing in your mind.]

"so, what are you doing this weekend?"
"going to a hotel."
"oh . . . where are you going?"
"the grove city holiday inn express."
"oh . . . are your parents coming into town?"
"no."
(awkward silence) "oh . . . so is it like some sort of party?"
"yeah, you could say that."


the above is a paraphrase of many of my conversations at the end of last week. no one seemed to be able to wrap their mind around the brilliance that was hotel night 06. and it was brilliant. and it was wonderful. and i think its safe to say that it was everything we'd hoped it would be and more.

why did we go? because we wanted to. we didn't go to drink. we didn't go so we could have co-ed sleepovers. we didn't go to do anything rebellious. we just loved the idea. and who wouldn't? hotels are delightful places. they give the (false) sense that you are on vacation. you don't feel hurried in a hotel. you don't feel pressured. you can take your time. be lazy. go swimming. eat the free continental breakfast.

and that's what we did. we also had a hair-dye-ing party, complete with musical guest, "blessed union of souls." (katie and chels, we took pictures like you did. but we forgot to take the after pictures. so all we have are slightly inappropriate pictures of girls in bikinis with hair dye. so we won't be posting those. but we wanted to!) we had swim time in pool, where some 9 years old were having their first hotel night, which we loved. way to jump on the party train early. we started a scary movie. then we started another movie. the next morning we all went to church to hear the lovely miss kay and the fantastic mr. mcelroy sing at tower.

such a good time. i'm sorry it had to end, but i'm so glad we were able to make it happen. to megs, abs, and kay . . . i love you all. you are a source of such joy for me. i've loved being a part of your lives here at gcc. continue striving to be the women that God is calling you to be and everything else will fall into place.

tequila makes her clothes fall off

"Valentine's Day is like herpes: just when you think its gone for good, it rears its ugly head once more. No wonder some people prefer to call it VD."

[this will not be a post about valentines day. i just think that quote is funny.]

some days, i really think that anything in the world is possible. most days i guess i have some concious knowledge of that fact. but on certain days, or during certain moments rather, the thought will hit me that all these things that i've dreamt about since i was a little girl could actually happen. growing up, i was never one of those girls who dreamed about bridal showers and weddings and all that. i'm still not. it just never struck me as a practical use of my time.

my mom sent me a card today that had a picture inside of me as a little girl. it took me back to a time when i spent all my days dreaming about all the things i could do. while my friends played "house" and "wedding," i'd be in my own corner, playing "broadway" or "business." maybe i'd be a doctor or a lawyer or a vet or a flight attendant or a dancer or a writer or an actress or a CEO or an accountant . . . . it didn't matter. i knew that the world was waiting for me to do something huge. my parents were great about instilling in me the belief that there was nothing i couldn't accomplish. no goal was out of reach.

maybe i lose that idea sometimes in the midst of everyday life, especially when it seems so overwhelming to just move to NYC, let alone take on the city full force.

but by golly, it's going to happen. i will move to new york. my dreams will come true. i don't how or when or with what means, but they will.

i can't wait.

boys and girls: part 1

yesterday's rehearsal consisted of men running around stage, trying to outdo each other in feats of masculinity. they were leaping and jumping and lifting . . . and quite often falling flat on their faces. each act of courage prompted another member guy to chime in with, "well, watch this!" which caused a calm rehearsal to escalate into a poorly executed WWE match. while amusing for us as directors, it made me reflect on the art of male compeitition, which seems so deeply imbedded into men's souls. they will literally put their young lives on the line, all for the sake of impressing each other and whatever women happen to be in sight. incredible.

women compete as well, but in much more subtle ways. for example, it's been argued that women don't dress up for men, but for each other. i don't know if i agree completely, as i certainly have gotten "gussied up" from time to time for various members of the opposite sex. but i do find truth in the premise. girls are much more likely to say, "oh, cute necklace" or "i love those shoes . . . where'd you get them?" girls love to feel pretty and feminine, and all too often the females we surround ourselves with are the standard by which we judge both ourselves and others.

but if we're being honest (and i'm not entirely sure why i just used the contraction "we're," as i am writing this blog post. alone.), i think most women are in competition for one thing only: men. gentleman, this may surprise you, as you might not notice when or how we're competing. but i assure you, we've all fallen prey to it at some time or other. we won't beat each other up to gain your affection, but we will try to outwit or outdo other women whom we feel could be threats to highly sought male attention.

ironically, though i am a highly competitive person in some ways, i didn't fall prey to this sad (and i use the word "sad" very purposely) aspect of womanhood often. instead, while battling through those treacherous times deemed "adolesence," i sensed the war that was waging among women - and i wanted nothing to do with it. thus began my passion for trying to really love other women. i didn't want to be part of that competition. if that meant that i didn't receive the attention other girls did, fine. it just wasn't worth it to me. it broke my heart to see women, who were created for relationship, seemingly ruining friendships with each other for the fleeting attention of teenage boys.

[note: i am not pointing to myself as an example of what all women should aspire to be. certainly not. i could write a collection of novels on my individual struggles and sins. this is me just rambling on observations i've made over the years.]

so where does this leave us? men beating each other up. women in cat-fights.

there has to be a better answer. but i don't have one. competition can be healthy and great and just plain fun. it can drive us to feats of athleticism or better grades or new ways of curing cancer (that was allan's contribution to this post. thanks). and quite frankly, where would be without great legends of competition, all for the sake of love? camelot and a knight's tale and romeo and juliet and the trojan wars and you get the idea. so i'm certainly not for eliminating competition all together.

maybe we all just need a better perspective. is there any possiblity of us all just stepping outside the craziness that often envelopes guy-girl relationships and just take a moment and laugh? yes, let's laugh. and then realize that so much exists outside the world of male-female interaction. maybe nothing worth blogging about, but certainly some things. =)


coming soon: we're all in it for the chase . . .