man, i feel like a woman*

i am alive and in new york. life is delightful. my job is great. my life is great. everything is great.

and when i have a computer here, i will start blogging again. i promise.

so if anyone still reads this, wow. kudos to you.

check back in a month - hope to have my iBook then. =)

* song title inspired by kayla, who graciously lets me come to her apt. and use her computer. thank you kayla.

xx's and oo's

i got a job.

i am moving to nyc next saturday.

alkjl;akdjflskdj;laksdjf;lskj;!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

can you believe it??? when it rains, it pours. God has been so good in providing this and i am still a little in shock.

i will be working at an entertainment law firm (so jennifer, that means i will be working in law before you - oh the irony), being sort of an executive assistant to the two attorneys. i'm fairly delighted with the whole adventure. the whole thing is really quite perfect - and it means i will get to live in manhattan - double delight.

so instead of being a practical, responsible girl . . . joel and i decided to take this week and travel to michigan to surprise his parents at camp. we leave today for illinois, where i will spend a week. saturday i will get on a plane and fly straight to nyc. i start work august 1. life is CRAZY. but great. and i've decided that instead of panicking about my no-apartment status, i will just enjoy this week and whatever will be, will be.

so that's the update. i am so sorry to the many many of you who have written me emails and i have not responded - it is my goal this week to do so. i promise. =)

but for now, back to my pseudo apartment search. hope you all are well. muah!!

break down here

i am a nanny*.

*the kids i "nanny" can't decide what name i should be called. i'm not really a baby-sitter (they are 13 and 15 and don't need any direct supervision). i'm kind of a "companion" but that name sounds funny and i am responsible to see that they eat properly and do their chores.

but really, this has to be the most laid-back job i will ever have.

i arrive at their house anytime between 10 and 10:30 AM (they are flexible). they watch cartoons and i sit and have my quiet time. then i have time to write letters or get caught up on reading, etc. then i "make" them lunch - usually heating up something that their mom has already prepared.

then we drive somewhere . . the pool or the library or something else fun (i just started, but i'm guessing we'll go see movies and out to lunch, etc.) mom comes home around 5:15 and she pays me and i leave.

it's a good life.

and though it's laid back and easy and pays well - i am not totally satisfied. and that makes me happy. i'm still applying for jobs at a somewhat obsessive rate. as it gets closer and closer to august, i'm more and more possessed. i need a job. but more importantly, i really want a job. i want to get up in the morning and be excited about what i am going to do that day. i'm ready to return to the city that never sleeps (or DC - that's my current other option) and do a lot of walking and watching and learning. i miss new york. i miss the crazy pace that wears you out to the point of exhaustion, then you get up and do it all over again.

so this summer has been good. in unexpected ways really. this time of relaxtion has cemented for me that i need to find a job that i'll be passionate about. and i'm ready to find it.

here for the party

i just wrote an entire post in response to neil's latest blog entry . . . but then erased it. i decided that the 24 comments that have resulted in response to his post are enough on this issue for me. but i did find the whole discussion fascinating. thank you to all for the thought-provoking hour i had while reading it.

in other news . . .

it's my goal to have applied for 25 jobs by the end of june (i'm currently at 13), and another 75 jobs during july . . .

if i don't get a job after 100 applications, i am going to give up and work at burger king.


anyone in the DC area (*cough* rachel and hans) - how is it? there are some good prospects there and i'd be willing to consider a non-NY location if the job was awesome. basically, what i really want to know is do i need a car? because i don't want to own one. ever again.

she said yes*

sean is getting married.

sean said he would never even think about getting married till he was 35. and then he met. and everything changed.

and the end of the story is that my big brother proposed last night, to a lovely and sweet and fiesty, beautiful 26 woman last night, on a beach in north carolina.

and she said yes.

growing up is an odd thing. it doesn't happen all at once, so you barely notice the huge evolving process you are consumed by. and then something "grown up" happens in your life and WHAM - you realize how old you are and how not ready you are to be that old.

and i am ready. i am totally ready for this. abby and jen and beck will all remember the countless girls i tried (with no success - i am the absolute worst matchmaker) i tried to set sean up with in college. and jen is so perfect for him. and i've known for about 8 months (that is, approximately two weeks after they started dating) that they would get married and i would love that and i would get to have a sister-in-law and i would get to be "aunt monica" and life at the ammirati's would be better with jen in it.

but still . . . he's my brother. my only sibling. and for most of my life (and his) i was the only woman. i came first. he protected me. he took me on dates. we took vacations together. i was the girl sean brought to parties. and not that sean has forgotten about me, but our relationship has changed. he has jen to ask for advice about clothes. he takes her to the movies. he stays up all hours of the night talking to her about life and God and the future.

and so while i'm thrilled and excited and ready, i'm also feeling this change. our family will change, in good ways certainly, but it will change. and as enthusiastic as i am, i'm a little sad to be losing the best brother that any girl ever had.


*this is an actual title of a country song. and i'm delighted to be able to use it.

one last time

i feel like i've been on a sabbatical from the blog world.

i think that's because i've been on a sabbatical from the blog world. it wasn't on purpose, but when i'm not always sitting down at a computer the minute i get back to my room, blogging just doesn't take top priority. (on that note: i love feeling freed from my computer. i love not having the instinct to check my email 24 hours a day. it's delightful.)

so it turns out that i need to find a job. imagine that. not a job for the summer. i have plenty of those (praise the Lord! it wasn't looking good for awhile . . . ). i need a job for the rest of my life. a;lfjakfj;lkdjfa;lskdfj;ladka;skjdk. feeling somewhat stressed about the whole process. but excited mostly. right now, i'm thinking that i would LOVE to work at disney. the contacts i would make there would be irreplacable and after disney, i could work anywhere in the world. anywhere in the world. pretty awesome.

tonight joel and i are going to see rob thomas and jewel perform at blossom. my parents got free tickets and passed them along to us. when i called joel to tell him, his exact words were: "who's rob thomas? didn't he go to grove city?"

sadly, i really had no idea either. i knew he was famous. goo goo dolls i thought? it turns out that he used to be in matchbox 20. so that's cool.

joel and i are both big jewel non-fans, so we plan on mocking her during her portion of the concert. did anyone ever actually read that book of poetry she wrote???? i didn't think so.

so that's life. that sums it up i think. job searching and jewel watching.

if you live nearby, come visit us. seriously. if you don't live nearby, we may come visit you. it's weird not being surrounded by people 24 hours a day.


and with this post, i think i'm back. keep me accountable all. love and miss you all.

that's what i love about sunday

i had a horrible nightmare last night.

this is nothing unusual for me, particularly this week, as i've had one almost every night since i've been home. they mostly revolve around college and graduation - things perhaps left unsaid or things i'm worried i've left undone. [note: this always happens post-production as well. the week after i start having nightmares that the show is starting again, all the actors have left, and dr. dixon and i will be performing the whole thing from memory . . . come to think of it, he would really enjoy that.]

but last evening's sleep brought an unexpected sort of nightmare. for some reason, i found myself in a parking lot where a battle between two gangs had started. there was lots of swearing (i think . . . even in my sleep i try to censor the bad words) and lots of fighting and lots of blood. there was even a head on a stick (GROSS). i started to run away, when a frightening man held a gun to my head and pushed me to the ground and told me that i could be next. it was terrifying.

the strangest part of it is, i can absolutely remember what i prayed as i lay on the cold, damp ground. i know who i prayed for. i know what i asked God. i know exactly what i was feeling.

so weird. it's like i've caught a glimpse into a near death experience (rachel, i don't pretend to be the expert you are, though we certainly should talk some time), without any of the real trauma. and it really does give you perspective. it's like i've been allowed to see what is most important in my life.



in other news . . . joel and i are spending the summer in ohio. yippee! though if that sentence had just read, "joel and i are spending the summer in illinois," it would have still been followed by "yippee!" both options were great, things just fell into place here. so i'm headed out to illinois tomorrow and we'll drive back together on thursday. pray that i find a job here . . . it's difficult being overqualified for every job that is willing to hire short-term. more difficult still knowing that i will have to job hunt again starting in just mere weeks.

it's good to be home. weird, but good. i miss college. i ache for all of you. dorm life - there is just nothing like it. currently though, what trumps all the oddness of post-graduation life is my enthusiasm for tomorrow's trip.

write. call. i'll try to answer. love to all of you.

ps - trey - read your blog and it never lets me post comments so i'm writing you on mine, knowing you'll read it. you're not moving to nyc????? what????