come a little closer baby

this morning i woke up and literally, the first thought that went through my head was the lines of the "twitting" from cagebirds.

Lord, forgive us our decisions. don't hold them against us. cross them out. blot them out. i'll take it back, i won't do it again . . . but that means another decision, and i never make decisions.

no idea why this came to me, especially at that time of day. but i do love that play. and i do love that character.

i find myself strangely out of place on campus these days. there is talk in the air of what productions craig and dixon will choose next year. what theme homecoming will display all over campus. and i as i begin to contribute to the conversation, i realize that it has nothing to do with me. i won't be in a production next year. i won't run homecoming. i'm beginning to be less and less a part of life here. and i think that's good. there needs to be a time of transition. the question is, am i ready for that transition?

i'm beginning to have what i call "career ADD." every day i wake up with a new idea of what i could do with my life. (and by "life," i mean the next 3 months. that's all i can handle right now.) within the past 24 hours alone, i've considered: real estate agent, gallery assistant, development associate, retail manager, college admissions counselor. WHO AM I? the monica that i know is focused and driven towards one singular goal. this new monica is a bit scary and intimidating, even for me.

God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan. but i really really wish that He would just let me have a peek at it.