blah blah blah
today i . . .
- went on a date with my beautiful roommate. i took her out to compadres and we sat and talked and caught up on the past few weeks of our lives. we never see each other anymore which is devastating to me. it was simply delightful just to spend time with her. i heart you in a big way miss abby.
- headed to the outlets to return birthday presents. mom, you did an oustanding job this year. truly, you did. but its so much fun to return things!!!! its one of my favorite pastimes. i started out with velvet blazer and a pair of black pants. i left with: 3 sweaters, 1 hoodie, 2 purses,1 belt, and polka dot panty-hose. aldfja;lkjfa;lfjsdkfjas. i love them all.
- broke down in a fit of tears at rehearsal. i have reached panic mode. abby gently reminded me tonight that i always do this. that i always worry the play will never come together. that i will somehow fail in an enormous way onstage. but this is different. really, this time it is. i don't think i've ever felt so alone in onstage as i did tonight. not for a lack of sympathetic spirits, but a feeling of abandonment. i thought i had found barbara, and tonight i fear i lost her.
- decided every day of the year should feel as lovely and fallish this one did. crisp. sunny. a touch of wind. perfect coat weather. it made me think of this song i heard once . . . "the wind blew the leaves off her face and then i saw you . . ." sound familiar to anyone? =)
- perhaps failed my first test of my college career. and i truly feel absolutely no emotion. environmental science, i just can't get worked up over you.
- met with dr. smith in his office. *sigh*
- watched as hans surprised rachel (with absolutely perfect timing - well done hans) after rehearsal. i then went into my second fit of tears as i realized that no man was coming to comfort me. my feeling of total aloneness was suddenly heightened to a whole new level. i am alone. and its okay. but tonight, watching rachel totally transform from weary to relieved in the mere blink of an eye (or more the first second of their embrace), made me feel desperately lonely and lost. tonight, i really am.
what a busy day. but katie comes tomorrow and all will be right in the world.
- went on a date with my beautiful roommate. i took her out to compadres and we sat and talked and caught up on the past few weeks of our lives. we never see each other anymore which is devastating to me. it was simply delightful just to spend time with her. i heart you in a big way miss abby.
- headed to the outlets to return birthday presents. mom, you did an oustanding job this year. truly, you did. but its so much fun to return things!!!! its one of my favorite pastimes. i started out with velvet blazer and a pair of black pants. i left with: 3 sweaters, 1 hoodie, 2 purses,1 belt, and polka dot panty-hose. aldfja;lkjfa;lfjsdkfjas. i love them all.
- broke down in a fit of tears at rehearsal. i have reached panic mode. abby gently reminded me tonight that i always do this. that i always worry the play will never come together. that i will somehow fail in an enormous way onstage. but this is different. really, this time it is. i don't think i've ever felt so alone in onstage as i did tonight. not for a lack of sympathetic spirits, but a feeling of abandonment. i thought i had found barbara, and tonight i fear i lost her.
- decided every day of the year should feel as lovely and fallish this one did. crisp. sunny. a touch of wind. perfect coat weather. it made me think of this song i heard once . . . "the wind blew the leaves off her face and then i saw you . . ." sound familiar to anyone? =)
- perhaps failed my first test of my college career. and i truly feel absolutely no emotion. environmental science, i just can't get worked up over you.
- met with dr. smith in his office. *sigh*
- watched as hans surprised rachel (with absolutely perfect timing - well done hans) after rehearsal. i then went into my second fit of tears as i realized that no man was coming to comfort me. my feeling of total aloneness was suddenly heightened to a whole new level. i am alone. and its okay. but tonight, watching rachel totally transform from weary to relieved in the mere blink of an eye (or more the first second of their embrace), made me feel desperately lonely and lost. tonight, i really am.
what a busy day. but katie comes tomorrow and all will be right in the world.
posted by monica at 11:38 PM
2 Comments:
Dude ...
Well, that's heavy.
I'm in Idaho now. Miss ya!
I can comfort, kinda. you did great tonight. If you haven't found barbara that's okay. have you found yourself yet? cause that'd be awesome. speaking of which, have you found me? cause I'm missing.
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